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Watson Cam
Dr Watson reviews his tab at the Hound and Ferret

Dr Watson reviews his tab at the Hound and Ferret

Posts Tagged ‘Lost Diaries’

The Truth is Out There (But I’d rather Stay In)

Some might say I have underplayed my involvement in many of Holmes’s cases for artistic and dramatic purposes. They would be wrong.

Although it is true that I may have diminished my role in such tales as The Trolley of Fear (where I appear in print only briefly to request a spare pair of wellingtons) there are many occasions where in hindsight I may have overstated my contribution and I would like to put the record straight.

On re-reading my narrative for The Voluptuous Client I realise I may have exaggerated my part in the spectacular brawl at the Micklegate Public House. I cringe now when I read that I ‘flung myself into the fray with wild abandon to protect Holmes from being overcome’ when in truth I was partly responsible for the affray by claiming I had been cheated out of the meat raffle.

I also regret my over-egging of the undercover role I had during the Curious Case of the Three Mables where I report that ‘I was a model of grim persistence, hiding in the stables for several weeks as part of an elaborate stake-out’. I’m ashamed to say that the whole case only took 48 hours to tie up but I’d formed a sentimental attachment to a pony called Princess Beatrice (my name for her) and I refused to leave for a further ten days while I combed her mane and fed her a secret stash of Mrs Hudson’s cooking apples.

Princess Beatrice - lust for life

Princess Beatrice – lust for life

Alas, one day I went to the stable to find Beatrice was gone, whereupon I sank into a black despair which lasted for the whole of 1896 [and without any apple pie, serves him right – Mrs H].

Ah, such painful memories. And now you Holmes have deserted me too. Perhaps you will one day reappear just like Princess Beatrice. Although unlikely that you too will be running in the 3.30 at Kempton.


The Lost Diaries – The Bygraves Ritual

I was rummaging through an old tea chest in search of the emergency currant bun I’d stashed away when I came across a selection of loose papers. The pages contained a great many cases which I’d failed to write up in full – indeed some were just a few words scrawled on backs of envelopes [and one of my napkins which I was keeping for nice – Mrs H].

For instance I have absolutely no recollection of the circumstances behind The Veiled Old Codger or one which simply reads Holmes Encounters a Puffin. However I did manage to find an extended paragraph on the mysterious adventure of The Bygraves Ritual – I have included edited extracts for you here.

A telegram arrives from a Lord and Lady Birkbeck urging Holmes to come immediately to Bristol. Unfortunately Holmes is already in Bristol on another case and I resolve to telegram him immediately with the news. Sadly I get distracted by a large moth which terrorises me for several hours and by the time I remember the message Holmes has arrived back at Baker Street and resolves to tell me the whole story of his case over a five-pipe marathon. When I awake in the morning I finally remember the message when Holmes reads an article in the newspaper that both Birkbecks have died in mysterious circumstances involving a casserole dish and some lemon wedges. In shock I finally forward the telegram to Bristol forgetting that Holmes is sat with me in the living room.

The Telegram Lad - the future of communication (not actual size)

The Telegram Lad – the future of communication (not actual size)

Three days later I receive another telegram from a sinister group calling themselves the Bygraves clan who confess in full to having committed the murders. Unfortunately I manage to mix up my papers and use the confession to wrap up my emergency currant bun condemning the story forever to a sticky doughy grave. Oh, how our lives are dictated by the fates…

Case status: unsolved.