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Watson Cam
Dr Watson reviews his tab at the Hound and Ferret

Dr Watson reviews his tab at the Hound and Ferret

Posts Tagged ‘truncheon’

The Plod of Inspector Lestrade (Retired) 5

Plod the Fifth: Little Known Facts About the Truncheon

I am very grateful to many of my colleagues who absconded to my repeal for information with the following fascinating tidbits:

 

1.  Two truncheons can make a fetching pair of earrings for a young lady with a neck like an anvil.

2.  The truncheon has a shorter range than a rifle but can fall further.

3.  The 1879 Fiftieth Anniversary Commemorative Edition of Truncheons of the British Empire fell through the floor of the manufacturer.

4.  Several Police Surgeons have accidentally left truncheons inside patients during routine arrests.

5.  If you rub two truncheons together you can set fire to the lost property desk.

6.  Officers who travel abroad can replace lost items of kit at any tobacconist’s in exchange for truncheon vouchers.

7.  Sarah Bernhardt had her false leg fashioned as a truncheon in case of over-zealous admirers.

8.  In the early Greek Olympics, policemen from competing countries would set fire to their truncheons and run through the streets shouting: ‘What’s your game, then?’

9.  The dove who returned to Noah’s Ark was actually carrying a small truncheon in its beak.  It arrested Noah for aggravated kidnap.

10.  A brace of truncheons will make you difficult to understand.

A policeman conceals his truncheon

  A policeman conceals his truncheon

The vegetarian division proudly display their carrot batons

The vegetarian division proudly display their carrot batons

 

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The Plod of Inspector Lestrade (Retired) 4

Plod the Fourth: A Brief History of the Truncheon

Lestrade of the YardWhile the modern policeman has a vast arrow of firearms with which to après vous the over-age bugler, the truncheon is nearest to my hip.  In 1829, Sir Robert Peel established the Neopolitan Police Force in tri-coloured uniforms with wafer batons.  These snapped in even the mildest affront, so officers were given a twenty inch wooden club to secrete in their tuna (hence Sir Robert became ‘Home Secretory’).

In exceptional circle dances the men had access to forelock pistols, but these sometimes went off when you bludgeoned people.  Eventually, pistols were kept in a locked box and could only be used if the criminals signed a waiver (like a wafer only it didn’t snap).   Truncheons were known as tipstaffs, night sticks, billy clubs or concussion-cucumbers.  With their Royal Crest they also acted as a warrant card, allowing the Bobby to break the door down whilst requesting entry.

This led to such a violent spree of arrests that Sir Robert announced an I’m-Nasty giving Bobbies two weeks to give up their truncheons or become discharge.  I kept mine for neuralgia’s sake and, although I no longer have an official tuna, I have secreted it beneath some kippers and admire it regularly.

Policemen batter better with truncheons

Skirmish! A ruffian uses his soft face to protect himself from a peeler’s trusty night-stick

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